It was a beautiful sunny day last week in Pigeon Forge, TN when I decided to pack my Donald Trump mask and head up to Parrot Mountain. I had heard many stories from the locals about what a wonderful place it was. It was dubbed as holy ground, a religious community devoted to Christian peace and compassion, full of gorgeous, colorful parrots who would let you get up close and personal with them. Some of them could even talk, they said. And if you were lucky, one of them might even whisper into your ear, “Jesus loves you.”
The drive up to Parrot Mountain was unexpectedly harrowing. I had to navigate through various turns and twists up a narrow and frighteningly steep mountain road to get there. When I finally did arrive, the parrots were immediately warm and friendly toward me, as if they had been expecting me!
It wasn’t long before I put on my Donald Trump mask. And for some reason, as soon as I put on the mask I was immediately drawn to the WHITE-feathered birds! LOL, just kidding.
It was so refreshing that many of the birds were so diverse in their finely feathered hues; yellow, blue, green, it didn’t matter to the parrots what color your skin or feathers were because they loved you just the same! They were entirely approachable irregardless of any particular partisanship, though I had a feeling if I had been wearing a HILLARY mask they would have attacked me!
There was even a Parrot Cemetery next to the Parrot Prayer Garden. I stopped here to pay my respects, though admittedly while doing so I imagined the spirits of deceased parrots looking down on me from Parrot Heaven, squawking at me, “Show some respect and take off the damn mask.” LOL
Next, I arrived at the “Circle of Parrot Miracles” where many, many parrots were gathered together to bestow blessings on the guests. People from all over were allowed to play with the parrots, to touch the parrots and have their gripping claws bestowed upon their body– these fine feathered examples of one of God’s most wondrous creations! They would perch themselves on your shoulder, walk majestically up and down your arm as if it were the limb of a tree amidst the wet, green gorgeous flora of the Garden of Eden.
Samantha from Tulsa, OK needed a job so she could get the money to fix her air conditioner, and the parrot said, “With God’s help, Donald Trump will provide.”
Teresa from Baltimore, MD, had recently had her apartment broken into and many family heirlooms stolen. She asked the parrot, “How can I ever feel safe again?” and the beautiful bird replied, “Come November, all the votes needed to restore Law & Order will be cast for Donald Trump.”
Then there was Craig from Pittsburgh, PA who had just lost his job as a coal miner. “Don’t fret any longer,” the parrot upon his shoulder told him. “When Donald Trump is elected President the coal industry will once again thrive.”
And so it was on that beautiful, inspiring day atop Parrot Mountain, a wondrous utopia of birds and blessings. I would leave the mountain with a renewed hope and rejuvenated spirit, a reignited belief not only in the well-being of my own soul, but that many blessings would soon be bestowed on the lives of many other Americans. I was confident now that Donald Trump would win the election because that is what God’s parrots atop the mountain told me.