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A Tale Of Two Stumpys

A TALE OF TWO STUMPYS: Here’s two pictures of me with “Stumpy,” the mascot for Ripley’s Haunted House in Gatlinburg, TN. The top one is from 2014 and the one on the bottom was taken just the other day. I was obsessed with finding Stumpy again for a reunion pic and was stunned to find he was now a girl! The old Stumpy must have gotten a new job so maybe being Stumpy isn’t as great as one might think!

Me in my “Billy Bearwolf” get-up, from August 2014:

stumpy ripleys haunted adventure

Me in my Trump mask, August 2016. Stumpy has gotten a lot cuter!

stumpy ripleys haunted adventure

Spectacular Donald Trump Doll

Here’s the spectacular Donald Trump doll I got in the mail. When you push the button on his back he says “You’re Fired!,” of course, like the billionaire badass he is. I made a star-spangled stand for him and put a $1.00 bill in his hand. Once he gets elected President I’ll make it a $10.00 bill then after he makes America Great Again I’m sure I’ll be able to afford to make it a $100.00 bill!

trump doll

And here’s my spectacular talking Trump doll sitting right in the middle of my Elvis doll collection where it belongs!
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Tacos 4 Trump Painting #5 “Ted Cruz Loox Like Freddy Krueger”

And here’s the painting:

trump art

There has been a lot said about what exactly makes Ted Cruz’s face look the way it does. Really, in many ways he’s not a bad-looking guy, and he definitely can talk, but something in his face is off. That wasn’t really what got me thinking of him in terms of being some sort of monster, though. It was this ugly-ass papier mache witch I got at a yard sale a couple months ago. Look at it. It’s looks just like Ted Cruz! LOL.

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trump art

Come to think of it, John Boehner referring to Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh” might have also got me thinking along those lines. So Ted looks just like this ugly witch I got; he’s also “Lucifer in the Flesh.” Could it be too far fetched that he also would make a good Freddy Krueger? I started imagining him in the fedora and the dirty striped shirt and was like, “Yeah! That’s totally him!” An idea was born, that Ted Cruz (Teddy Krueger? Teddy Cruzer?), dressed as Freddy Krueger, with colorful rainbow claws would be Donald’s enforcer at the border wall.

I say a bit more about this idea in a video I made for the painting below:

Tacos For Trump Painting #4: “Trump Hot Sauce Is Made In Mexico”

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In the fourth painting of my Tacos 4 Trump painting series I try to cover some of the women in Donald’s Presidential Campaign life, that is, the ones he has insulted or gotten into some sort of conflict with. From the upper left corner, going clockwise, there sits Carly Fiorina whose face Donald referred to as being less than pretty. Of course, there is his arch-nemesis, Hillary Clinton, complete with hairy armpits and taco nipples. Next we have Debbie Wasserman-Schultz who, truth be told, was more an enemy to Bernie Sanders with her rigging of the DNC against him, but Donald on a few occasions had choice words to say about her. Next we have Elizabeth Warren whom Donald refers to as “Pocahontas.” These two are two peas in a pod to an extent, in the way they seem to have no restrictions on how severely they are willing to insult one another on Twitter. Last but certainly not least, since she is by far the hottest of the bunch, there is FOX reporter Megyn Kelly. For a length of time Donald refused to be on FOX after getting what he perceived unfair treatment at a Republican debate that Megyn moderated. And he even skipped another FOX debate entirely because of Megyn. The two have since buried the hatchet, but Donald, in this painting, decides to pour hot sauce or her anyway!

Oh and by the way, have you noticed that everyone in this painting, even Donald himself, is a blonde? Well, Carly Fiorina seems to only have blonde highlights but she’s the closest I could get to a blonde woman Donald had gotten into it with to fill that upper left corner. I guess I could have used his ex-wife, Ivana. She did accuse him of rape, after all, but no one seems to care about her anymore. If this painting seems a bit misogynistic, it’d make sense that it would since it’s point is to document Trump’s alleged misogynistic tendencies while also making a little riff on the fact that many of Trump’s branded products are made outside of the USA despite his pledge to bring jobs back to America.

Believe it or not, you can see me talk about this painting even more in the video below which features it!

Tacos 4 Trump Painting #3: “Donald Saves A Pig In A Blanket”

This painting is inspired by all the chaos and killing that seems to be going on in our nation’s streets lately. There’s friction between groups like Black Lives Matter and the brave policemen that try to maintain Law & Order. I’m not really trying to take sides. I know that being a cop is a very dangerous and difficult job and I also know that being black and being poor and living in the inner city can be tough. Both the guys who have been killed by police as well as the cops themselves have made bad decisions. My purpose with this painting, “Donald Rescues A Pig In A Blanket” is to document the situation in the context of looking through our nation’s problems through the lens of unity and using the symbol of a TACO to help facilitate this unity. People shouldn’t be taking the issues of minorities in inner cities lightly but I also think that groups like BLM chanting “Pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon,” while funny and it did make me giggle, doesn’t really help matters. Hopefully when Donald Trump is President he can restore Law and Order in this land or we’re never going to see the Promised Land! I say a bit more about all of this in the video I’ve embedded below.

trump art

Here’s a video where I discuss this painting a bit more:

Tacos 4 Trump Painting #2: “Bernie Bros 4 Tacos 4 Trump”

Bernie Sanders captured the hearts and minds of many millennials this past election primary season, but in the end he let him down. Bernie vowed to take the battle all the way to the convention where he would cause a big fight on the floor over the unfairness of the superdelegate system. But in the end, just like any other politican, Bernie cut a deal. He cut a deal with Hillary Clinton, had her add all kinds of leftist progressive issues to Democratic party’s platform which we all know is just a useless piece of tissue paper. After the convention it was reported that Bernie was just tired, he needed to take a long nap, and he bought a $600,000 mansion to do it in. It is for this reason, the revelation that Bernie Sanders is NOT a true revolutionary, that he is a sell-out of the worst degree, that I have chosen to depict him with a VAGINA with all his poor, manipulated and lied-to Bernie Bros followers. It’s sad that I have to do this because I kind of liked Bernie in the beginning. But in the end he showed he is no different than anyone else..

This painting, “Bernie Bros 4 Tacos 4 Trump” is rendered in acrylic paint on a 16″ X 20″ canvas panel. I’m asking only $150.00 for it if you’d like to purchase it from my STORE.

bernie sanders with vagina

And here’s a video I made where I talk about it a little more and where you can maybe get a better look at it, as I hold it during my ranting and ravings lol

Tacos 4 Trump Painting #1: “Donald Receives The Taco Trumpet”

trump art

“I’ve been worried, sick and tired of talking about it with my friends. Donald, if you build that wall, you gotta build a bridge to let the tacos in!”

That was my first thought when Donald Trump spoke about building a big, tall wall along the Mexican border: THAT WE NEEDED TO FIND A WAY FOR THE TACOS TO STILL COME IN! That would have to come in the form of a bridge that goes OVER the wall, which also serves as a nice metaphor for what I’m trying to accomplish with my “Tacos 4 Trump” painting series. I’m trying to build a bridge between those who like Trump and the tacos that come from Mexico. Donald, early on his campaign, said a few things that angered and worried many Mexicans and Latinos within the U.S. It seemed to drive a wedge between Trump supporters and the Mexican people, when we all should be UNITED around the common cause of tasty, spicy Mexican food! In my paintings I’m trying to celebrate the worlds of both Trump supporters and Trump himself, while also celebrating Mexican food and culture. I’m certain there are many more things that unite us than divide us, starting with that tasty TACOOOO you got in your hand! Give it meeeeeee! AROOOOOOOO!

In this first painting you see Donald receiving the heralded and ancient “Taco Trumpet” from a beautiful Aztec princess. This inspires him to go into business with the Aztec goddess– a TACO business, of course, where tasty, delicious authentic Mexican-American tacos with crunchy shells are delivered in bright yellow, badass lowriders to those whose hunger transcends race and politics! There are other types of imagery in this painting but I don’t want to give away ALL the painting’s hidden meanings, now do I? Let’s just suffice it to say i’d like for TACOS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SOME DAY! HAHAHAHAH!

For those who might be considering buying the painting from me for $300, it is rendered on two separate circular pieces of wood that used to be the tops of small tables. The table tops are screwed in tightly and securely to a 5″ X 17 and a half inch board. The total height of of the painting is 39″, that’s over 3 ft tall. The paint I used to make it is acrylic.

Here’s a look at the top part:

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Here’s a look at the bottom part:

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Here’s the whole thing:

trump art

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, there are some markings on the backs of the table tops, some screw holes that have mostly been filled in, from where there were once legs attached to the table tops. I do a lot of my paintings are spare pieces of wood lying around. The table tops are completely sturdy and this doesn’t affect the painting at all. I just didn’t want someone to buy the painting, receive it, look at the back and be like what the heck? Here you can see what I’m talking about:

Here’s the back of the top part:

trump art

Here’s the back of the bottom part. It’s a bit worse, but like I said, it is all still completely sturdy.
trump art

And here’s a video I made where this painting is featured!

Trump Mask Fun In Gatlinburg, Tennessee

Had a little fun taking photos with my Trump mask on while spending a day in Gatlinburg, TN recently. Here I am posing in front of the infamous WHEEL OF DEATH! Actually, while having this photo taken a number of fellow Trump supporters in the area thought it was funny and asked me to maintain my pose for a few more minutes so they could get pictures also. Tennessee is definitely TRUMP COUNTRY!

gatlinburg wheel of death

Hadn’t heard anything about that lizard dude for awhile & found out that he’s been turned to stone along with his girlfriend outside of the Ripley’s Odd-itorium.
trump art

My Aunt Polly is crazy but she’s a lot of fun. Here she is getting freaky and even a bit murderous with a hangman’s noose with some of the staff at Ripley’s Haunted Adventure.
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I decided to take a little rest while standing in this guy’s coffin. At first he was nowhere around then all the sudden he started marching up towards me, looking pissed! I thought he might be a Hillary supporter and was going to kill me! But come to find out he loved The Donald, too, so we shook hands and he agreed to let me get a photo with him.
ripleys haunted adventure

The Future President On Parrot Mountain

It was a beautiful sunny day last week in Pigeon Forge, TN when I decided to pack my Donald Trump mask and head up to Parrot Mountain. I had heard many stories from the locals about what a wonderful place it was. It was dubbed as holy ground, a religious community devoted to Christian peace and compassion, full of gorgeous, colorful parrots who would let you get up close and personal with them. Some of them could even talk, they said. And if you were lucky, one of them might even whisper into your ear, “Jesus loves you.”

The drive up to Parrot Mountain was unexpectedly harrowing. I had to navigate through various turns and twists up a narrow and frighteningly steep mountain road to get there. When I finally did arrive, the parrots were immediately warm and friendly toward me, as if they had been expecting me!

parrot mountain

It wasn’t long before I put on my Donald Trump mask. And for some reason, as soon as I put on the mask I was immediately drawn to the WHITE-feathered birds! LOL, just kidding.
parrot mountain

It was so refreshing that many of the birds were so diverse in their finely feathered hues; yellow, blue, green, it didn’t matter to the parrots what color your skin or feathers were because they loved you just the same! They were entirely approachable irregardless of any particular partisanship, though I had a feeling if I had been wearing a HILLARY mask they would have attacked me!
parrot mountain

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There was even a Parrot Cemetery next to the Parrot Prayer Garden. I stopped here to pay my respects, though admittedly while doing so I imagined the spirits of deceased parrots looking down on me from Parrot Heaven, squawking at me, “Show some respect and take off the damn mask.” LOL
parrot mountain

Next, I arrived at the “Circle of Parrot Miracles” where many, many parrots were gathered together to bestow blessings on the guests. People from all over were allowed to play with the parrots, to touch the parrots and have their gripping claws bestowed upon their body– these fine feathered examples of one of God’s most wondrous creations! They would perch themselves on your shoulder, walk majestically up and down your arm as if it were the limb of a tree amidst the wet, green gorgeous flora of the Garden of Eden.

Samantha from Tulsa, OK needed a job so she could get the money to fix her air conditioner, and the parrot said, “With God’s help, Donald Trump will provide.”

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Teresa from Baltimore, MD, had recently had her apartment broken into and many family heirlooms stolen. She asked the parrot, “How can I ever feel safe again?” and the beautiful bird replied, “Come November, all the votes needed to restore Law & Order will be cast for Donald Trump.”
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Then there was Craig from Pittsburgh, PA who had just lost his job as a coal miner. “Don’t fret any longer,” the parrot upon his shoulder told him. “When Donald Trump is elected President the coal industry will once again thrive.”
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And so it was on that beautiful, inspiring day atop Parrot Mountain, a wondrous utopia of birds and blessings. I would leave the mountain with a renewed hope and rejuvenated spirit, a reignited belief not only in the well-being of my own soul, but that many blessings would soon be bestowed on the lives of many other Americans. I was confident now that Donald Trump would win the election because that is what God’s parrots atop the mountain told me.
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Mining For Gems With Donald Trump

I took this picture just outside a really cool antique store in Tennessee, at a little outlet called “Mining For Gems.” They had all kinds of big, shiny cool rocks. I spent a good 20 minutes looking around with absolutely NO ONE there watching over the place. I took a fancy for the big shiny yellow rock you see me with in this picture. I took it inside the store when someone finally showed up, to have it weighed and possibly buy it, thinking it would cost $20 or so, but it cost $150!!!! With the rocks being so valuable I couldn’t believe how easily I could have just stolen one. Good thing I’m honest like DONALD TRUMP.

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Hidden Emails At Trump Pyramid

So we all know about the pyramids in Egypt; most know about the ones in Mexico and other places in South America, some places in China. There’s one in Las Vegas, too, but did you know there’s also one in PIGEON FORGE, TN? Here I am outside of Trump Pyramid, going on a rumor that Hillary’s missing emails might be hidden in a golden sarcophagus inside of one of Donald’s OWN PROPERTIES of all places!

trump pyramid

If anyone can translate the hieroglyphic code on these columns at the pyramid’s entrance, it’s Donald, himself, though he might need to consult Ivanka haha.
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Being Donald Trump At The Wax Museum

I got out of the car and put on my favorite Donald Trump mask and prepared to go into the Wax Museum, sure that I would get a good selection of pictures of myself as Donald posing with exquisite wax effigies of some of most celebrated people of our time.

John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley and Charlie Chaplin’s heads towered majestically over the parking lot. Their chiseled visages carved into the fake stone were in their own way more impressive than Mount Rushmore.

wax donald trump

It wasn’t long before I was joined by another Trump supporter wearing a Donald mask. They are EVERYWHERE nowadays!
wax donald trump

At the soda bar Elvis Presley offered me a root beer float but I opted for a cup of coffee instead because I told him I was watching my figure in case someone mistook me for the real Donald and wanted to take a selfie with me.
wax donald trump

I think I need to quit eating so many tacos because my belly looks like it’s about to burst open with Hugh Hefner’s baby right there on his bed!
wax donald trump

Holy crap, I actually got a photo of myself wearing a Donald Trump mask while posing with a Donald Trump wax statue! The picture is a tad blurrier than I’d like. I need to say to my photographer, “You’re fired!”
wax donald trump

To be honest, I’m not really a big Nascar fan but this setup was too cool not to step into for a quick shot. I mean, look at that trophy and that crowd in the background!
wax donald trump

I stepped into the spooky section of the museum, the “House of Horrors,” where Leatherface gave me a lobotomy which might also symbolize the real Donald Trump’s recent softening of immigration policies and pivot to the center.
wax donald trump

Marilyn Monroe says, “Happy Birthday Mr. Future President!’
wax donald trump

I rubbed Beyonce’s butt for good luck before posing for this pic but don’t tell anyone. Even if I end up having BAD luck it was worth it just to cop a slick waxy feel of that righteous rumparoo!
wax donald trump

And when it was all said and done, once I had strolled down the red carpet and had my picture taken with all the best and beautiful stars, I was glad to see that the academy deemed ME the GREATEST STAR OF ALL. I received an Oscar for Best Portrayal of a Presidential Candidate! And here you thought I was just another guy in a TRUMP MASK!
wax donald trump

It’s Ferris Wheeler’s Day To Suck Me Off, Cuz Fuck You

pigeon forge island ferris wheel

Here I am posing in front of the gigantic Ferris Wheel on the “Island” in Pigeon, Forge, TN. This was soon after eating at Paula Deen’s “family style” restaurant nearby. The food there was unbelievably delicious and I’m still dreaming about the macaroni and cheeeeeeese!

A couple days later I got a shot with the same Ferris Wheel in the background, at night. It was much more beautiful than the picture gives it credit because unfortunately my camera can only focus on one thing at a time.

pigeon forge

Trump Supporters Are Not Stupid Monsters

trump rally

At the end of this past April, a few days ahead of the Indiana Republican primary, my Mom and I attended a Trump rally in Evansville, IN. It was a delightful event, a chance for people to get in line, however long, to see Donald Trump speak, to be a part of American history, and to perhaps spend too much money on a T-shirt and “Make America Great Again” ball cap (see pic of me and my Mom above lol).

There is this idea floating around that those who would attend a Trump rally are “racists,” that they are enabling a “fascist,’ and that the Trump movement is comparable to the Nazi movement in Germany so many years ago. Around the time of the rally we attended there were many reports of Trump supporters being attacked at rallies, spat on and verbally abused and for what? Caring about the country? Having a different view than yours, perhaps?

Trump supporters are supposedly “uneducated.” I stood in line behind a doctor and in front of a lawyer, both of whom had taken time away from their busy schedules to see Donald speak. Trump supporters are allegedly all white, a xenophobic hateful lot who don’t want much to do with anyone different than them. But there were many black men and women making tons of money off the Trump-loving white folk, joyously selling their Trump shwag–T-shirts, hats, buttons, etc– from their vending carts to the people in line, having cordial conversations about Donald and the rest of the candidates. There was a Latino man in the lobby selling popcorn. When I went to the restroom there was a Native American man, dressed in full tribal garb for the fun of it all, directing all the white men into whatever restroom stall happened to be open. At least half the security team and Secret Service personnel were black. It was an inspiring display of diversity. I talked to a grade school teacher who had brought a group of her students– 3 white boys, a white girl, an Asian-American boy, a Latino girl and two African American girls– to the rally as a history lesson, as an experience in Americana and a snapshot of the American political process, and I ask you: did these people deserve to be SPAT UPON? Or attacked from behind by a group of thugs?

Trump supporters, by and large, are decent people who work and pay taxes and they simply want people, whatever their skin color or cultural background, to get their shit together and stop breaking the law. And stop making excuses. And stop blaming others for your lack of achievement. It has nothing to do with “race,” but rather it is about a perception of seeming unfairness between those who feel they contribute to the economy and society in a positive way, contrasted with those who DON’T; and it is felt that in many cases the lesser achievers get the same amount of benefits, if not more, as those who innovate and work hard to earn what they have. There are many other issues Trumpists rally around, but it is this sense of unfairness and desire for equal treatment among all people, that some people do not do enough to take personal responsibility to help THEMSELVES; and instead look to the government or others whom they feel for unwarranted reasons owe them, that lies at the core. And actually this is nothing new. It has long been a staple of conservative ideology.

Yes, most of the crowd at the rally I attended was white, but this had more to do with it being in Evansville, IN (a predominately white area) and for a Republican candidate than anything connected specifically to Trump (The unfortunate misguidance that draws minorities away from the Republican Party is a subject for another time).There were no “Heil Hitlers” being shouted; everyone was civil. There were no loud, boisterous redneck “Yee Haws” or boorish screaming hateful hooliganism going on, just people attending a fucking rally and listening to what a candidate had to say. Despite the media and other opposition’s endless attempts to demonize Trump supporters as racist, hateful mindless minions of a hateful “monster,” Frankenstein never did show up.

Bobby Knight did, though. He introduced Donald and he cracked me up when he said, “If you want someone who has the guts to push the button like Truman did against the Japanese in WW2, Trump is your man!” LOL.